I would much rather approach this season for what it was meant to be–a time of waiting for our Savior. Waiting for anything is difficult for me. But, Cathi’s talk, as well as what we are reading through in the Advent study, has challenged me to try to keep things simple, slow down and say no (mostly to myself) this year.

We have our home decorated, but decided to not put up lights this year.

We have a dresser in our living room that I would love to have repainted for the holidays, but it was something that was going to take a lot of time if I were to do it myself, and money if we were to have someone else do it. So, for now, we said “no”. Saying “no” is not easy for me to do, but as we create Christmas traditions for our family, I much prefer to think about it with joyful anticipation than worry and anxiousness.

I posted about this Advent calendar last year. I have the supplies, but have not finished it in time for this year. And I’m ok with that. Maybe next year.

UPDATE: I knew there was something else I wanted to mention here. I think I am motivated to do much of the work I create for myself in order to receive affirmation from others. I meet their expectations and am praised for a job well done. But if I am constantly needing to have others fill my cup, when do I have time or energy to fill someone else’s cup? We want to teach Analiese that Christmas is a season of giving, not just receiving gifts. I’m pretty sure this needs to start with her parents. And so, by saying “no” to a few things that I really want to do, I hope to open myself up to saying “yes” to blessing others more.

Let’s talk about music. We are those weird people who start listening to Christmas music after Halloween. There are some really great Christmas songs out there–some old favorites and many amazing new versions of the classics. Here are some of our favorite from our Christmas 2011 playlist on Spotify:

• O Holy Night – Shane & Shane
• O Come O Come Emmanuel – Rosie Thomas
• Drummer Boy – Mercy Me
• The Christmas Song – Frank Sinatra
• God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (feat. Robbie Seay Band) – Folk Angel
• Baby, It’s Cold Outside – She & Him
• Joy to the World – Sufjan Stevens
• Born to Die – Shane & Shane
• Away in a Manger/The First Noel (interlude) – Folk Angel
• Joseph’s Lullaby – Mercy Me
• Lo! How A Rose E’er Blooming – Sufjan Stevens
• White Christmas – Bing Crosby
• Deck the Halls (feat. Shane & Shane) – Folk Angel
• O Holy Night (feat. Jeff Johnson and Jourdan Johnson) – Folk Angel
• White Christmas – Otis Redding
• All I Want For Christmas Is You – Glee Cast
• Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – She & Him
• O Come Let Us Adore Him – Shane & Shane
•  The Christmas Tree (feat. Lauren Chandler) – Folk Angel
• O Holy Night – Shane & Shane
• God With Us (feat. Isaac Wimberley) – Folk Angel

So when we see creations of great skill, ingenuity, and beauty—all of which describe the collective works of Jobs—we are presented with an opportunity to praise the God of whose skill, ingenuity, and beauty they are but a dim reflection. Today, when we see one of those glowing Apple logos, let us take the moment to honor the greatness of our God and at the same time cultivate a longing for something that no human tool can ever do.

Over the weekend, Ross and I had the opportunity to witness “great skill, ingenuity and beauty in the form of dance”. As an early 30th birthday present, I purchased tickets for Ross to see the top 10 dancers from So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD) at the Fox Theatre in Detroit. We watched the season diligently on Hulu and were in awe of the talent that was showcased week after week. It was such a treat see them in person. (They are a solid mass of muscle…my binoculars don’t lie!)

If you didn’t already know, Ross has a soft spot for anything dance related, but his favorite style is hip hop. We own every single “Step Up” movie and you should have seen the joy on his face when he heard there’s a fourth one in the making. I think there’s some overlap between SYTYCD, Step Up movies and Hulu’s LXD–it’s fun to see familiar faces pop up in different places.

I was surprised that Ricky (back row, middle) was my favorite performer of the evening. Since none of the dances he performed during the season were performed on tour, he took the place of almost all of the “all-star” guys who were not on tour with the top 10. He was amazing as Sasha’s partner for “Fool of Me”, originally performed with Kent, and “Misty Blue”, originally performed with Twitch. He also performed in Neil’s place with Melanie for their contemporary dance to “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. (I’m sure there are some bootlegged videos of the tour out there…) I learned from watching the season that Melanie and Ricky became really good friends. So, when she leapt into his arms at that pivotal moment in the song, I literally fist pumped the air. I was giddy. It was so great!

I love how raw talent can make people (me) emotional like that. God created amazing human beings and it’s an honor to witness his creation being fearless in their ability and doing what they love to do.

And while I’m ecstatic for those who are blessed to experience their belly growing as their child develops, I’m more aware then ever before of just how blessed they are. Oh, how blessed I am! Because it’s not as easy to get pregnant as I once thought. Many little girls dream of their lives unfolding over the years ahead of them. For most it almost always involves the man of their dreams, a fabulous wedding, and having babies. And most of the time that dream is never questioned. Because our bodies were created in a miraculous way to produce and carry babies. I never thought about all that could go wrong in our complex bodies to make that dream not come true. Sadly, there’s a lot of heartache out there due to infertility.

I’ve learned that this is a reality for a lot of women. But as someone who hasn’t had to go through the pain myself, it’s been hard to relate to and grieve alongside women who I care deeply about. A friend referred me to this post written by Molly Piper and I decided that it was a great place to start–I needed to educate myself. After some research, I purchased Hannah’s Hope. I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject, but I do know that my heart has been changed by this book and I hope my actions and words are more sensitive to those who are hurting. (In other words, I hope I never ask any married couple when they are going to start a family again. Because the truth is, they ARE a family…just the two of them. And if they haven’t started having kids yet, there’s probably a very good reason why. They may be hurting and my ignorance of that weighty question will likely crush them. I would hate that.)

Friends and strangers who are going through infertility…I am so sorry you are in pain. Your hope and dreams are in my prayers.

I’m not sure where to go from here as this post took a different twist than I was originally planning. You see, as friends have shared their news, I’ve forwarded them an email that has made it’s way to a number of people over the past year. It includes a list of pregnancy and baby “must-haves”…in my 2010 opinion, at least. From a design perspective, the formatting of the email is horrific and I’ve been meaning to make it pretty so that I don’t twinge the next time I forward it. So, that’s what I was planning to do here. It seemed like a logical place to put it.

I think I’ll save it for another time. It just doesn’t seem like a proper ending to this post. If you’ve taken the time to read this, know that there is probably someone in your life who is hurting with this incomparable pain and it would be worth your time to educate yourself.

P.S. Molly Piper put together a series of posts relating to helping grieving friends. I haven’t made my way through all of them, but her insight and wisdom into the grieving process and how to support others who are grieving is admirable.

Happy seven months to you, Baby Girl (a little belated)!

You are sitting up all on your own now. It’s so fun to see your little body balancing itself  so that you can play independently. You’ve always been a little doll baby, but now you’re actually DOING so much! It’s crazy to think back to the first few weeks of your life when you were a little loaf of bread who didn’t do much of anything. When our days and nights were spent meeting your needs to eat and sleep. That was it.

Those hands. We think you’re so excited to be holding on to something that you don’t realize it’s your own hands!

You have a contagious laugh that make us want to play with you and hold you all the time. Sometimes it’s the anticipation of a sound or game like “peek-a-boo” that gets your giggles going. You have the ability to make us laugh, too. You recently started to scrunch up your face and sniff really loud. You must remember our first reaction to this new quirk and now you love to do it to make us laugh.

They say big things come in small packages. We think your petite frame contains a world of wonder, love and laughter.

We did quite a bit of traveling this month – to visit grandparents and friends. You’re a hit wherever you go.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a huge fan of headbands. Now that you’re getting a little more hair, though, I decided to try it out. You’re adorable. No matter what. And there are so many amazing headbands out there for babies these days. Time for Mama to get creative and make you some worthy accessories. The one you have on here is a brown ribbon adorned with a crocheted flower made by your great-grandma, Baba.

Everything continues to go into your mouth – your way of discovering the world around you. You’re very curious to know what’s going on – new sounds and sights always make you turn your head. Keep exploring, Analiese…there’s lots to see and do!

We recently started feeding you dinner at the table when we eat. It’s so fun to have a family meal together and you seem to eat even better when the bites are spread out as we eat our own meal, too. One of my favorite parts about this time is when we hold hands to pray. There’s something about Daddy’s prayer that makes you stop whatever you’re doing (usually trying to drink water out of your cup) and smile  - so big! We pray that God continues to bring you true joy…someday, in Him.

Love, Mama and Daddy

P.s. I almost forgot…you have two little teeth starting to show through! We’ve hardly noticed a chance in your behavior because of this new development. We’ve heard it can be a painful process, but so far you’ve been a trooper!

• Analiese and I made our second solo trip to Bloomington, Indiana to visit some of my housemates from college. Ten of us lived together in a big old house within a very short walking distance to campus. We were the “707 girls”. We had so much fun together. It was a bit surreal to be back on IU’s campus with my 6 month old daughter. Her first college visit.

• I started an Etsy shop! I’ve been wanting to do this for so long and I finally picked a name, set up my shop policies and started listing items. Most of the items that are in the shop now are ones that I already had done for us or friends and just tweaked the information to protect their privacy. The last name I’ve chosen for any samples that include a picture of our family is “Westen” – a reference to our favorite burned spy, Michael Westen.

• I have been in a habit of rearranging rooms lately. Like almost on a daily basis. I blame it on the amount of time I spend in our house these days. It’s usually a small change, but sometimes it can be a major room overhaul like the night I decided to completely take apart and put back together our guest room/office without Ross knowing. He was upstairs and I had just put Analiese down for the night. I am a master at doing things quietly. Ross is not. I guess it’s a good thing that Analiese gets a little of both extremes. However, I’m always stumped at how she can sleep through major road construction right outside her window and wake up to Ross sneezing. Then again, have you heard him sneeze?!
• I’ve been on a sewing kick. Part of that room rearrangement I mentioned above allowed me to bring my sewing machine up from the basement so I have easy access to it when I want to work on a project. (It also meant that Ross moved the computer into his closet. Yes, you read that right. His closet. This guy has more quirks than you may have known about.) Anyway, these projects are finally getting done thanks to our new guest room/craft room. It feels so good to be so productive. Pictures coming soon. :)
• I really love breastfeeding Analiese and I can see how it’s hard for some moms to let go of the intimate bonding time with their baby which can lead to breastfeeding well beyond a year. I’m pretty sure that’s as long as I’ll go, but I will miss it. One thing I will not miss is pumping every morning and every night. Now that solids are in Analiese’s diet, she’s not eating as much from me, so I need to pump to keep the supply going. But it is SO BORING! And so, I’ve gotten into this awful habit of watching tv shows on Hulu to pass the time. I actually enjoy some of them, but when I started watching The Bachelor Pad recently, I knew something had to change. While I’m pretty limited to what I can do during these 20-30 minute time periods, there are other things I could spend my time doing. I could pray. And I could listen to a sermon on iTunes. I decided to listen to a sermon from The Village Church this morning instead of watching the fourth episode of Bachelor Pad. And even though I only got 5 hours of sleep last night, I feel so much more refreshed than if I had watched a trashy, drama-induced reality show.
• One of my favorite things about college was how my involvement with Campus Crusade for Christ fostered such a unique community with other believers. I was challenged in my faith, learned how to pray to and trust God with big things. I grew a lot over those four years. In particular, I loved getting together with other women who asked hard questions and kept me accountable in various areas of my life. While I have many wonderful women in my life now, I’ve missed the one-on-one fellowship I was spoiled with in college. Needless to say, I’m going to start meeting with another woman from church. She’s been such an important part of our lives as parents and I love and respect the way she’s raised her own daughters. I’m really looking forward to reading the Word with her and talking about life with a Biblical perspective.

Week 17: We spent Memorial Day in Indiana which meant A’s nap schedule was off. I knew that would be the case, so I decided to stay where we were in the transitions through the weekend. She continued to wake around the 45 minute mark, but took longer to put herself to sleep. My in-laws got to experience a long cry session which I don’t think they enjoyed, but we knew it wouldn’t help for us to go in to her. It may make her stop crying, but it wouldn’t make her sleep. And what she needed was sleep…not us. I added five minutes to her awake time and nap time on Tuesday putting us at a 3 hour and 40 minute EASY (awake time and nap time are both an hour and 50 minutes). My friend, Katie, came to visit for a few days so I could train my replacement at work. A did great with a different person putting her down for her naps – taking a bottle, not so much, but whatever.

Week 18: A week later, we’re still at a 3 hour and 40 minute EASY. It’s been a strange week. A had her 4 month appointment on Monday – 12 lbs. 9 oz. and 23 inches long…she’s a petite one! – and got a few shots. She fell asleep in the car without making a peep which never happens. First of all, she doesn’t usually fall asleep in the car unless we’re on a longer car ride that extends past her nap time. Second of all, when she does get sleepy enough to sleep she always cries for a bit first. So, this was odd, but I assumed it was because of the shots. She did this again when we were out running errands the next day. And since the dr. appointment she’s been fussy and crying almost every time she wakes in the middle of her nap whereas she used to put herself back to sleep quietly. After mentioning this to a friend she welcomed me to the “4 month sleep regression”. The wha? It’s true…and as always, A is right on schedule. So, we’re just dealing with some off days right now. She was awake from 2:20-9 p.m. yesterday because she was awake during her entire third nap (even a feeding in the middle of it didn’t put her back to sleep) and wanted nothing to do with sleep while she was with Marcie in the evening. Amazingly enough she was pretty content given how long she had been awake. She fell asleep in the car on the way home and slept great last night.

Also, we’ve been finding A out of her swaddle and rolled out of the sleep positioner and onto her tummy most mornings lately. That girl is tricky! So, in addition to everything else, we decided to start weaning her out of the swaddle. Right now she’s doing pretty well with one arm out. This may be the cause of some of the lengthy mid-nap wakings, though.

This week is a perfect example of how no matter how organized and schedule we try to be, A has a mind and body of her own and as she grows and develops she’ll continue to throw us for a loop every now and then. We are so intricately designed by our Creator. It’s amazing and frustrating all at the same time.

Here’s a picture just because :)

This past weekend we were hosts to a slew of family and friends who were in town to celebrate Analiese’s dedication at church. Not only was Analiese dedicated to God for His service, but we, as her parents, were dedicated before God and His church that we will commit to bring Analiese up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. We understand the responsibility to raise her in a home where the love of God is demonstrated and taught. We believe that this ceremony does not assure that Analiese will go to heaven. Rather, the decision to accept and follow Jesus Christ as Savior is hers to make when she is at an age to clearly understand God’s plan of salvation. Therefore, her dedication does not take the place of baptism. Instead, she will be baptized when she’s ready to make a public declaration of her own personal faith and trust in Jesus Christ. We pray that this is God’s plan for her and we’ll do our best to teach her God’s word, love and promises.

We are so thankful to everyone who made this a special occasion for us. Thank you for the miles driven and flown, and the love and support shared with us and Analiese.

Our little one is three weeks old today! She’s definitely growing, too. Looking back at some of our earlier posts and pictures of her, it’s crazy to see how much she’s already changed. She’s begun to fill out her face a little, but it’s still hard for us to decide who she looks like. We see a little of each of us…makes sense, right?

There are so many things we love about Analiese. From day one, she’s had what we’ve called an “active tongue”. The girl loves to suck on our pinky fingers and is constantly making different facial expressions. She’s begun to “coo” here and there – it’s fun to hear her make sounds and imagine what her voice will sound like. She has the most beautiful blue eyes – we love to look at them and try to figure out what she sees at this point. She has super long fingers and toes – a future piano player? I hope so!

Along with the many joys of our sweet little blessing, there are definitely challenges. I’m not one to make it seem like everything is perfect when it’s not. I tend to wear my heart and emotions on my sleeve and most people can tell when something is wrong. I don’t keep things bottled up inside and in most cases, seek advice of others and wisdom from God. I’ve taken the same approach with being a new mom. I feel like I have such a great village of resources and appreciate all of the honesty and truth others have shared with me. We’re still learning and will be for a long time. (For instance, I’ve learned that Analiese takes a few minutes to stretch when she wakes up…and THEN poops. Therefore, it’s usually not the best idea to change her diaper immediately after she wakes up. Otherwise, I may find myself cleaning up the poop she shot across her dresser while she had no diaper on…)

On to week four!

This month’s verse is Deuteronomy 11:18-19 – inspired by Noel Piper in her book, Treasuring God in Our Traditions:

You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul; you shall bind them as a sign on your hand; they shall be frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

We picked this verse because we want Analiese to know who Jesus is. We want him to be a topic of our every day conversations, actions and prayers – not just on Sundays or around holidays, but on a regular, daily basis, we want to be teaching her about God and his saving grace that he has to offer her.

Today is what Ross termed a “pregnancy day”. With the way we’ve had to devote our attention to the house renovation in order to keep things moving along, preparing for Missy Miss’s arrival has taken a back seat. I so wish her future room had a crib, dresser, curtains and a chandelier in it rather than a mattress set on its side and two of our dressers holding them up.

Enough complaining.

My morning started out with a 3-hour glucose tolerance test. My glucose level came back heightened after the 1-hour test last week. This test will determine if I have gestational diabetes. I hope I don’t. And it’s easy for me to pray that I don’t. But really, I know that God is a sovereign God, completely in control of my health, the baby’s health and the delivery. (If I have gestational diabetes, the baby will probably be bigger, which could derail my plan to deliver naturally in the ABC Unit.) So, my prayer is that God’s will would be done and that I would trust him completely with the results. 

In fact, the news of my first results served as a wake up call to me in some ways. We really have been so consumed by getting the upstairs done – both by accommodating the contractor’s needs to have certain items picked out by a certain day and painting which is the one area of renovation we decided to do ourselves – that other areas have suffered: quality time with each other and with God. We’ve spent a lot of time together over the past few weeks…painting together…oh so romantic, right? Once Missy Miss is here, I know our time will not look the same so we need to take advantage of some opportunities to get out together (i.e. not going to Lowe’s). At the same time, I know this baby needs to be covered in the Word of God daily. So, remembering that God is, in fact, the one in control here, is helping to bring me back to him and to rely on him rather than myself to have a healthy baby.

In between the blood tests, which were taken on the hour for three hours, I started to read What to Expect the First Year. (You may remember my review of What to Expect When You’re Expecting.) There were sections I could skip over (i.e. circumcision care), but other sections I found particularly insightful (i.e. sleeping, feeding, bathing, changing, etc.)  and will most likely reference back to once the baby is here.

Then, later today, Ross and I will attend our first childbirth class! Should be fun!